Aantares    Aantares BB  Hop To Forum Categories  Your Etc. Forums  Hop To Forums  Social Hour: Chit-chat 'bout this 'n that    Recycled Stuff 2018
      Page: 1 ... 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... 31
Go To
Post
Search BB
Notify Me
TOS/Tools/Smilies
Reply
  
Recycled Stuff 2018
 Login/Register
 
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Why didn't the ghost dance at the party?

.
.
.
.
He had no body to dance with.

---------------

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?

.
.
.
.
With a pumpkin patch

--------------

What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?

.
.
.
.
Pumpkin Pi

---------------

What happened to the guy who didn't pay his exorcist?

.
.
.
.
He was repossessed

-------------

Why don't angry witches ride their brooms?

.
.
.
.
They're afraid of flying off the handle

--------------
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Political Jokes

During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars. "That's an outrageous price!" said a local farmer, "but I guess we're lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government."
"Why's that?"
"Because knowing the federal government, they'd decided to lower the highways."

-----------------------------
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs "give me your money," he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, "you can't do this – I am a United States congressman!" "In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."

-----------------------------
Do you know the trouble with political jokes?

Too many of them get elected.

Do you know the meaning of the word "politics"?

Well, "poly" is a prefix meaning "many", and ticks are small blood sucking creatures. Put them together and...

-----------------------------
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
What Do Witches Use For Garages? Broom Closets.
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
Senior Humor:

A woman said she had been wonder woman all week. She wondered where her keys went, she wondered where her glasses went...…..
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
If "pro" is the opposite of "con", then "congress" is the opposite of...

-----------------------------

The reason elections are held in November is because that is the best month to pick out a Turkey!
"Maxine"

-----------------------------
"What do you think of Red China?" One woman asked another during a party on world affairs.
"Oh, I don't know," said the other woman. "I guess it would be all right if you use it on a white tablecloth."

-----------------------------
Running for Senate
A young man was running for the Senate in New York State. His political advisor heard some news that really upset him.

"Look," he said, "You've got to go to Albany right away or you'll lose a lot of votes. They're telling lies about you there."

"I've got to go to Buffalo first or I'll lose more votes," the candidate replied.

"What's going on in Buffalo?" the advisor asked.

"They're telling the truth about me there," the candidate replied.

-----------------------------
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Entertainment Jokes

A man mentioned to his landlord about the tenants in the apartment over his. "Many a night they stamp on the floor and shout till midnight." When the landlord asked if it bothered him, he replied, "Not really, for I usually stay up and practice my trumpet till about that time most every night anyway."

(A two word hint to the trumpeter: Cause. Effect. Wink   ;) )

==================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" ;

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law.

"There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

"Paddy, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation.

"She never got your email!"
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
A Wee Bit of Scottish Humor

Mr Forsyth-Smyth was having a disastrous game of golf, much to the distress of his caddie. After slicing his drive and seeing the ball ricochet off two trees and end up in a burn, Forsyth-Smyth turned to the caddie apologetically and said "Golf is a funny old game, isn't it?" The caddie thought for a moment before slowly replying "Aye, but it's not meant to be..."

(Or to put it another way, golf is a long walk ruined!)

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So he tied her up and went fishing.

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Kid Jokes

Teacher: What does your father do for a living?
Student: He is a magician.
Teacher: what is his favorite event.
Student: He cuts people in two.
Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have?
Student: One half-brother and one half-sister....

(Half and half? That could leave them beside themselves!)

(Abra cadabra!)

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
College Jokes

A college student said to his mother, "I decided that I want to be a political science major and that I want to clean up the mess in the world!"

"That is very nice," muttered his mother. "You can go upstairs and start with your room."

(Think mom somehow missed the point? Wink   ;) )

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Family Jokes

Why did the woman only change her baby's diaper once a month?

On the package it read "good for up to 15 pounds"

(Ew?)

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
Man Talking To A Woman In A Bar:

Did You Hear The Story About the 60 Second Lover?

Woman:

No.

Man:

Got a Minute?
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Military Jokes

The new army recruit was serving his first guard duty. He did his best for a while but about 5 a.m. he went to sleep. When he opened his eyes he found the day officer standing before him. Remembering the stiff penalty for being asleep on guard duty, this clever young man kept his head bowed for another moment, then looked upward and reverently said, "A-a-a-men!"

===============
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
If At First You Don't Succeed
>
>
>
>
>
So Much For Skydiving
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
A guy said he got a job as a tailor but he was fired. He said it really didn't matter. It was a so so job anyway.
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Computer Jokes

A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
One Liners Jokes

A man is incomplete until he is married; then he is finished.

(Especially if a penguin is involved!)

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Kid Jokes

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time. Then he turned to his father and said; "Gee, Dad, stork doesn't recognized me."

(Ah well, I never put much stork into that theory anyway. )

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
What Has 75 Balls And Keeps The Ladies Smiling?


BINGO!
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Kid Jokes

For weeks a five-year-old child kept telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister or brother that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the child to feel the movements of the unborn baby. The five-year-old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Moreover, he stopped telling the teacher about the awaiting event. Finally the teacher sat the child on her lap and said, "Lucas, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?

"Lucas burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

(So much for that stork! )

========================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Bar & Drinking Jokes

A bear walked into a bar, slapped a $50.00 bill on the bar and ordered a beer. The bartender looked at the $50 bill, then at the bear and said "I'll be back in a minute."

He went to his manager and stated what had just occurred. The manager told him to go back to the bar, give the bear a beer, $.50 change and strike up a conversation.

The bartender drew a beer, placed it on the bar, took the $50 bill, tossed fifty cents on the bar and said "You know we don't get many bears in here".

The bear looked at the 50 cents, then at the beer, then said to the bartender "$49.50 for a beer I can see why!"

(Smarter than the average bear! Well, except that his going to that bar may have been a boo boo. )

==============================
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Chronic...
posted Hide Post
Marriage Jokes

A newlywed is trying to console his little bride, who sprawled, dissolved in tears on the couch. "Darling," he implored, "Believe me. I never said you were a terrible cook. I merely pointed out that our garbage disposal has developed an ulcer."

(And we wonder why so many marriages don't last... Wink   ;) )

=============
 
Posts: 9398 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
"Be decisive. Right or wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels who couldn't make a decision"


(Unknown)
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
AAA+
posted Hide Post
Remember When You Could Refer To Your Knees As Right And Left?

Instead Of Good And Bad.

Ah Good Times, Eh!
 
Posts: 116200 | Location: Sunny Florida | Mbr Since: 10-06-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata       Page: 1 ... 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... 31 
 

    Aantares    Aantares BB  Hop To Forum Categories  Your Etc. Forums  Hop To Forums  Social Hour: Chit-chat 'bout this 'n that    Recycled Stuff 2018

© 2003-2020 Aantares Online LLC. All Rights Reserved.