This pig means well but will need guidance if
he hopes to produce an ideal pork chop. But,
then, don't we all?

On occasion, Natural Selection, takes us in curious directions. I wonder, for example, how chances for survival were enhanced by transferring hair from the scalps to the ears of male humans in their prime.

This set out to be a comment about the Stock Market's bulls and bears, but I discovered that a bull can't be morphed convincingly into a man. For this reason I have substituted a minotaur for the bull. Even that was difficult because every exemplar of a minotaur that I could find by Googleing was a terrifying monster and I only wanted one who looked mildly distressed.

     Today began with a notable phenomenon: Drops of water are falling from the sky. Could this be the fabled April showers I have heard of? Should I alert the media?
     In another, perhaps unrelated, development this morning's e-mail was stuffed with messages offering to enlarge my penis. I had not thought the public could be so urgently concerned about such a tiny thing.
Seán

Sean,

Although my part of the world is known for it's rain we are earning our reputation in abundence at the moment.

As much as I enjoy your clever drawings I am thankful you refrained in regards to your last comment. I am not sure how you would draw an email anyway.

Doug,
     Regarding illustrations, I considered sketching a reporter with a TV camera focused on a spot where a drop had struck the sidewalk, but decided that would be catering to sensationalism.
     On the other hand, the one for penile enhancement would have been too much like the Bull & Bear cartoon (above) and I hate to repeat myself.
Seán
piss ****

     This year, for the first time, I filed my taxes electronically and was rewarded by having my refunds directly deposited in March. Estimated payments still must go by snail, but I expect electronic bill-pay will be accepted soon.
     From sheer habit I made paper copies of my returns to stuff into my file cabinet already bulging with returns for years gone by. TurboTax thoughtfully provided me with a .pdf version of the returns; I stored that, on a CD, in the 2008 Taxes envelope, as well. Pure routine. But then I was inspired to copy all supporting documents like 1099s, receipts for taxes paid, health expenses, et cetera and convert them into a composite .pdf-file (indexed automatically) and put that on the CD too. Now I can hardly wait to be audited: All I'll need to prove my probity to the tax-man is a copy of that marvelous CD, but if he is really snargy I can provide him with a second CD that has my all of my returns from 1999 through 2007. I wish I'd copied the supporting documents to CD when I filed those returns, but it did not occur to me.
Seán

 
In this day/age, paper returns have little value during an audit... Turbo Tax et al has made it too easy to prepare "custom" tax returns depending on one's circumstances. Folks even advertise the preparation of such custom tax returns on Craigslist... for folks going to court for child support modifications, for folks applying for assistance, for folks trying to qualify for special deals in housing, major purchases such as cars, etc.

Long ago and far away --loooooong before children needed their own SSAN on their parent's tax returns-- I had a friend who had a friend. Each year my friend would prepare the paper return for his friend that added a kidlet every 18 months... this went on for more than a decade without the friend's wife knowing it was taking place. (Just one more reason why "Don't worry about it hon', just sign the bottom of page two." is the Innocent Spouse defense. ) By the time he was through, my friend's friend had nine kidlets listed... two he actually had and seven ghost kidlets.

The friend of my friend said his biggest worry was he'd die before the seven ghost kidlets "turned 18" and his wife wouldn't know to age said ghost kidlets off her return, she'd be audited and when she found out what he'd done, she'd come after him.

And we thought those olden times were stressful!

*CJ

That puts a whole new meaning to "population explosion"...

.

Not to carp, but the sole characters in that picture may have been floundering a bit to come up with that...

There is a symbiosis here: Followers can't survive without a leader and leaders shrink to pin-point size if their followers defect.
Seán

     My father sometimes had to work as a railroad machinist to supplement the income from the growing ranch that was the focus of his aspirations and my childhood home. This entailed his living elsewhere for a month or so of every year, and the stories of his adventures were my main source of information about the great world beyond our isolated valley.
     Once, he told me, he became a boarder in the home of a fellow machinist and his wife. The man had a little ritual: His breakfast, every morning, began with a cereal called "Nabisco Shredded Wheat Biscuits" served in plain white bowl. First of all he would rap the biscuit smartly, three times, with a teaspoon, then he would add cream and sugar to it and eat it in the ordinary manner.
     My father wondered much about the rapping, but hesitated to ask the man the reason lest it seem intrusive. Patience was rewarded. Soon there came a morning when, after the second rap, a cockroach emerged from the biscuit and fled across the table.
     I suppose most rituals are pragmatic at inception. I wonder why some of them are continued even when the reason for them has been long forgotten.
Seán

What, he dind't want unanticipated added protein in his diet?

Henry

Henry,
     A friend of mine, a Marine who survived Guadalcanal, was cut off, with his unit, from the food supply line. He says they survived for days by eating local fauna, including large cockroaches. He never acquired a taste for them, so he went back to K-rations when those became available again. K-rations, marginally, were better.
Seán

Yeah, having to eat roaches could indeed bug somebody. I've read that insects are mostly protein, but even aside from the ick factor one needs to be careful, since some insects can be dirty, contaminated (i.e., carriers of germs), or have defense mechanisms (i.e., toxic chemicals) against hungry people that don't have enough K-rations to go around.

Henry

Today's paper has a story about a bingo parlor set up at the Apache Tribe's Fort Sill casino in violation of the NM Gaming Act. It reminded me of a drawing I made some time ago...

     A nice check arrived for me today and eased my worries about my ATM, which has been showing signs of inanition. Since the day was cool, a mere 89° compared to the 100° scorchers of the preceding week, I elected to make the trip by biking. That was a fortunate decision: Coming home I spotted, in the gutter, a loose roll of bills! Examination revealed a five and four ones, nine whole, splendid dollars! Nothing cheers me up like getting unearned money, so I've been happy ever since.
     I've never spent found money. I just put it in a drawer and leave it there. I notice that the small box I keep it in is getting rather full. Some day I ought to count it.
Seán

In 7009 AD archaeologists will encounter puzzles such as this:


Seán

Of course, in 7009 they don't use plumbing, they use phasers.

They just have to aim very carefully.

In the Beginning:

The devil you say!

     When I am gazing at the clouds I nearly always see one that looks like some member of the animal kingdom. Usually the figure is prosaic—a cow or turtle or something of the sort—but this morning it was a detailed image of a naked woman in a most seductive posture. You can imagine my outrage at finding such a thing in a sky where people, under-aged, could see it! There ought to be a law.
     Fortunately it happened at time of day when most young folk are sleeping or else playing Grand Theft Auto, so probably no harm was done.
Seán
‽

quote:

Not to carp, but the sole characters in that picture may have been floundering a bit to come up with that...

<GROAN>

BAD PUNS!!! I knew there had to be a reason I've been avoiding this board for so long. Actually, you remind me of my ex-boyfriend...he can't stop punning either! He has a photography blog now and half the time, the captions to his pictures have some kind of a pun in the title.

--Linda

quote:

Originally posted by Sean:
In the Beginning:

Good question...