Oh come on, Sean...I happen to know you are NOT 104!!! Unless (horrors!) you wouldn't by some chance be referring to ME, would you? First of all, my birthday is February 13th not February 8th, and second of all I'm not turning 104!!! The reality is bad enough without you making it worse than it already is.

OTOH...Is this your way of telling us that February 8th is your birthday??? ANOTHER Aants Aquarius??? This place is crawling with 'em...no wonder I can't seem to drag myself away from here!

--Linda

Linda,
     My doodle symbolizes the mystic process by which one identifies with the thing one does. In this instance I refer to the annual ritual of submitting a Form 1040 to the IRS.
Seán, the Compliant

Sean,

Okay, NOW I get it!!! Dayum...I feel dense.

--Linda

quote:

Dayum...I feel dense

     You shouldn't. My ambiguity is the stuff of legend.
Seán

This thread has become taxing...

quote:

Originally posted by Henry J:
This thread has become taxing...

The mad punsters have attacked again...or should I have said a-taxed?
Gawd...it's contagious!

--Linda

so there audit be a law?

     My email tonight includes a message from a sweet young Cuban señorita whose only financial asset is 600 Kg of gold left by her deceased father, who dealt in bullion. She begs me to help her, asking me to respond by telephone because the matter is too sensitive to be discussed by means of email. She says she wants to come to America to invest her capital and to complete her medical education.
     I am greatly touched by the troubles of this innocent and am eager to relieve her of the burden of managing that 2/3 ton of precious metal. In the process of rushing to her assistance I looked up the phone number she gave me and discovered it is assigned to a home in Benin, which is located in Nigeria. I wonder why a Cuban girl is living over there?
Seán

quote:

Originally posted by Sean:
     My email tonight includes a message from a sweet young Cuban señorita whose only financial asset is 600 Kg of gold left by her deceased father, who dealt in bullion. She begs me to help her, asking me to respond by telephone because the matter is too sensitive to be discussed by means of email. She says she wants to come to America to invest her capital and to complete her medical education.
     I am greatly touched by the troubles of this innocent and am eager to relieve her of the burden of managing that 2/3 ton of precious metal. In the process of rushing to her assistance I looked up the phone number she gave me and discovered it is assigned to a home in Benin, which is located in Nigeria. I wonder why a Cuban girl is living over there?

Seán

Sean,

What I wonder about is whether this Cuban girl is related to the people who hacked my eBay account a couple of years ago. They were from Nigeria too. Is it something in the water there, or what?

--Linda

Linda,
     Nigerian frauds are notorious. I get emailed opportunities to share some Nigerian's fortune several times a month. I thought the Cuban Girl version was interesting because it tried to persuade me the message came from Cuba rather than Nigeria. I think it indicates the Nigerian con-men are beginning to realize mentioning Nigeria now sends a warning signal to their intended victims.
     To me the real warning signal is given when some irregular action is proposed. There would be fewer successful frauds if the victims were truly honest people.
Seán

Amor vincit omnia. = Love conquers everything.
     In English you can reverse word order to read "Everything conquers love." and, behold, you have produced a witticism! It doesn't work in Latin though, because the nouns have cases: Amor is nomnitive, so it remains the subject, and omnia is accusative, so it remains the object, no matter where you put them in a sentence.
     Thus Latin has more clarity than English, but leaves less latitude for chuckles. You can see that in the Roman statuary, where everyone looks dour.
Seán

 
Has anyone considered what it will cost that Cuban miss to move 1,322.76 lbs of gold to America??

First off, at 45 lbs per suitcase, she's gonna need 30 suitcases. Let's say Kohl's is having a luggage sale and we can get 30 suitcases at $75 each... that's $2,250.

Then she's gonna need to pay the luggage overage... most airlines are now charging $50 beyond one suitcase (which I'll presume will contain her clothes and toiletries), so she's gonna pay $50 x 30 = $1,500. This amount will have to be paid for each leg of the trip from Wherever, Overseas to the U.S. unless she's on the same airline. Given a basic itinerary (see below), this cost will have to be doubled to $3,000.

Then there's the Sky Cap tip... 30 suitcases will likely take at least six carts... and six Sky Caps... that's gonna work out to be $120 or so. Again, if she's changing airlines on one or more legs of her trip, this amount will have to be paid for each leg. Again, given a basic itinerary (see below), this cost will have to be doubled to $240.

On to the airfare. One person, one-way from Nigeria to JFK is $2,340 w/ 21-day advance booking... from JFK to ALB w/ one stop (no non-stop flights per Orbitz), $136. But... will she travel with all that gold all by herself? I don't think so, it just wouldn't be safe. So I'd double the airfare so she can bring along a second adult to keep an eye on those Sky caps and such. But of course, that extra person will want to go home, so we gotta fly 'em home again, home again, jiggity jig. Airfare total = $7,428.

Add another couple of hundred bucks for miscellaneous food and beverages and head sets and whatever (the trip starts just after 10 pm local time on a Tuesday and continues through until ~1:30 pm local time on Wednesday... but local Albuquerque time translates to 8:30 pm Nigerian time, so the trip is actually almost 23 hours long) and we're looking at topping out just over $13,000 in moving costs.

Of course, given that said Cuban miss's gold is currently worth $29,151,600... an investment of $13,000 is nothing.

Perhaps she'll advance you an equal amount of gold as a token of good will & trust?

*CJ

quote:

Add another couple of hundred bucks for miscellaneous food and beverages and head sets and whatever (the trip starts just after 10 pm local time on a Tuesday and continues through until ~1:30 pm local time on Wednesday... but local Albuquerque time translates to 8:30 pm Nigerian time, so the trip is actually almost 23 hours long) and we're looking at topping out just over $13,000 in moving costs.

Of course, given that said Cuban miss's gold is currently worth $29,151,600... an investment of $13,000 is nothing.

CJ,

That is so considerate of you, to go to all that trouble working up an estimate of the travel expenses involved with transporting this huge amount of gold from Nigeria. I hope the Cuban miss thanks you for your efforts on her behalf--although I wouldn't hold my breath waiting if I were you.

quote:

Perhaps she'll advance you an equal amount of gold as a token of good will & trust?

That would indeed be the considerate thing to do. But again, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting if I were Sean.

--Linda

So is this what they call going for the gold?

     Today, amazingly, I won another fortune! This one is a prize from Shell Petroleum Development Company in Nigeria. I am offering the link to give you an opportunity to learn about the experiences of other lucky winners.
Seán

Yay?

After while, coffee dial.

     One of my boyhood idols was Mr. Skyler, who operated the weather station at the local airport. He gained his hero's status when a part-time, juvenile employee at Mr. Lucas' pharmacy told me in strictest confidence the man was buying rubbers by the gross.
     I was old enough to vote before it dawned on me that his weather balloons were made from condoms.
Seán

American Slothic

When they were young, they used to say
They'd put the world to rights someday
But now that they are fully grown
All they do is piss and moan.
Seán

quote:

Originally posted by Sean:
     One of my boyhood idols was Mr. Skyler, who operated the weather station at the local airport. He gained his hero's status when a part-time, juvenile employee at Mr. Lucas' pharmacy told me in strictest confidence the man was buying rubbers by the gross.
     I was old enough to vote before it dawned on me that his weather balloons were made from condoms.
Seán

Sean,

You posted this on June 5th...that's almost a MONTH ago! How the hell did I miss it the first time around? Especially when I commented on the post after it--not here but on your blog.

--Linda

Linda,
     That small parable was meant to illustrate how our ideals are sometimes based upon a mere illusion. When I wax parabolic, which is perhaps too often, my message often falls upon its fanny.
Seán