Aantares    Aantares BB  Hop To Forum Categories  Your Etc. Forums  Hop To Forums  Social Hour: Chit-chat 'bout this 'n that    Recycled Stuff 2020
      Page: 1 ... 20 21 22 23 24 
Go To
Post
Search BB
Notify Me
TOS/Tools/Smilies
Reply
  
Recycled Stuff 2020
 Login/Register
 
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Southern Computer Glossary (4/4)

Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Subject: Fwd: Results of a contest for "theories" sponsored by Omni

GRAND PRIZE WINNER
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side facing down. I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat; the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. With a giant buttered cat array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.

RUNNERS-UP:
#1 If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

#2 Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it out.

#3 Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate ideas at a faster rate.

#4 The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

HONORABLE MENTION:
The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

-----
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Subject: Telemarketing

How to Handle Telemarketers

If you're like most people, and most people are, you resent telemarketers calling you at home trying to sell you something. And it probably irritates you that they seem invariably to call at dinner time. I used to wonder why they would do that, knowing they were only irritating people who would then be less likely to buy what they're selling. A friend of mine who once worked as a telemarketer explained it to me.

"When do you expect us to call?" he said.
"At 2 in the afternoon, when nobody's home?"

That would be nice. But I guess it wouldn't be too profitable. Anyway, since they seem to be a fact of life these days, I thought I'd make the best of it and try to have a little fun with them. At first, I would just let them go through their entire spiel, then say, "I'm sorry, I'm hard of hearing. Would you repeat that?" I'd do that several times until they finally caught on and hung up. One of them got really irritated after repeating his pitch three times and snapped, "You're just wasting my time."
"I guess that makes us even,"

I said. But that got old after a while. Besides, it took too long. And in addition to that, my telemarketer friend told me that a lot of the folks who do this for a living can't do anything else. So I felt kind of bad for wasting their time. (OK, I didn't feel REAL bad, but I stopped doing it.)

So that's how I stumbled upon a new hobby. It's fun, entertaining, and it's an exercise in thinking quickly. Here's what you do. Whenever a telemarketer calls, try to come up, on the spot, with a spiel of your own that will disarm the caller and, if possible, maybe even entertain him or her a bit. The following are genuine examples. (And, as Dave Barry says, I swear I am not making these up.)

The phone rings.

"Hello, is this Michael Owen?"

Yes.

"Hello, Mr. Owen, my name is Brenda and I'm with MCI. How are you today?"

Fine, and you?

"I'm fine, Mr. Owen. Does anyone in your home make long-distance telephone calls?"

"No."

"No one?"

Nope.

"Well, do you receive a lot of collect calls?"

No.

"Not many?"

Nope. None.

"You don't make ANY long distance calls or receive ANY collect calls?"

No, m'am. You see, I belong to the Seventh-Day B'nai Antioch church, and my religion strictly forbids me from using the telephone at all.

(pause)

"Uh, Mr. Owen, you're using the phone right now."

(pause)

OH MY GOD! SEE WHAT YOU'VE DONE! OH MY GOD!

Click.

You get the idea?

"Hello, this is Christi with Rollin' Hills photography studio. Would you be interested in a free family portrait?"

No, thank you.

"Not even for free?"

No, ma'am. You see, my brother is a staff photographer for National Geographic, and he does all our portraits for us for free.

"Really? That's nice."

Yes m'am, it is. Of course, we have to take off all our clothes and squat naked around a camp fire for him to do it-so you can imagine what our Christmas cards look like - but hey, they're free.

Click.

"Hello, is this Mike Owen?"

Yep.

"Mr. Owen, I am authorized to offer you a week's stay at a fabulous resort if you and your fami ..."

Not interested, thank you.

"Mr. Owen, it's free, if you and your ..."

'Scuse me, sir, but you see, my Uncle Horatio Hilton owns all the Hilton Hotels in the United States.

(I swear to God he then saidSmile   :)

"So ... uh, I guess you get a discount, huh?"

Yeah.

Click.

--------------
"Hello, is this Mr. Owen?"

Yo.

"How would you like to make big bucks in your spare time?"

No thanks, I'm rich as hell.

Click.

--------------
You get the idea.
Now, before all you telephone sales folks get bent out of shape and write me nasty letters (or put me on some special "call him 10 times a day" list)

I want you to know I have a great deal of respect for sales people in general. Much of the stuff I buy, I buy from sales people. Some of my best friends are sales people. I would be proud for my daughter to marry a sales person. (Then HE could pay to fix her car.) In fact, I had an entertaining experience with a salesperson the other day; it just wasn't on the phone. A young lad was selling those chocolate bars that schools use to raise funds.

He asked if I'd like to buy one and I said sure, why not, pulled out a buck and handed it to him.

"What's the money for?" I asked.

He looked at me like I was a fool and said, "For the candy bar."

I guess I deserved that.

-----------------
Subject: Telephone Intelligence

My uncle Jerry just told us his latest response when they call to get him to switch long distance services.

He says, "I don't have a phone."

They usually say "Oh. I'm sorry." and hang up.

----------------------
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
Picture of Reed N D Dark
posted Hide Post
I once told a time share group, after repeated annoying calls that I was glad they called as I was just foreclosed on and needed a place to stay! They actually stopped calling.

Now all we get is the robocalls and if you choose to talk to someone they pretty much quickly hang up if you start asking questions. Unfortunately, that doesn’t get you off the lists!

Wish I could find a way to stop these! We do answer speaking, rather than yes to stop the old cramming. It’s second nature now. It often confuses the caller, many have no idea how to respond or what that means.
 
Posts: 12772 | Location: Central PA | Mbr Since: 05-14-2017Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Well personally, if the caller id looks suspicious, I answer and immediately hang up.

If the id is blank, I try to google the number to see if it's been reported. Quite often that brings up a reference to a robo-warning.

Although, lately they've gotten into the habit of ringing only two or three times, which isn't enough time to google the number.
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
Picture of Reed N D Dark
posted Hide Post
I couldn’t contact my uncle because he was doing that! He swore he was getting robo calls from the same area code, I doubt that. And with the spoofing, volunteer organizations, and relatives that seem to change phone numbers every 20 minutes we answer the phone although we find they are often programmed to ring once and move on. Since My concentration has already been broken just hanging up seems to just cause more call backs!

My MIL order furniture and they couldn’t reach her so they called us to set up delivery! Only problem was she lived 7 hours away and we had no way to do such scheduling.

I know the recommendation is to only answer calls you recognize but not only do not all our phones have caller id ive seen no change in anything other than their phone numbers hang up or not.
 
Posts: 12772 | Location: Central PA | Mbr Since: 05-14-2017Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
------
HOW TO CLEAN THE HOUSE

1. Open a new file in your PC.

2 Name it "Housework"

3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN

4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN

5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"

6. Answer calmly, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly....

7. Feel better?

------
Other possible strategies:

"I just came over to say that when the urge to clean comes upon me, I lay down until it passes."

or:

"I take off my glasses."

or:

"I sweep the room with a glance."

------
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. [Was he Mike Biggs?]

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" [Yeah, there's probably a hole in that suggestion.]

------
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
(We take you now to the Oval Office and the conversation between George Bush and Condi Rice.)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone. (Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<signature> Woodsey

--------------------
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
When asked by a Navajo elder what the group of men was doing in the dessert, an astronaut said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment to the Navajo elder, he got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon. Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder.

The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief. The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate. So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator
relayed the message:
"Watch out for these *******s. They have come to steal your land."
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Stress: :smile:
A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience with a raised glass of water. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, 'half empty or half full?' She fooled them all .... "How heavy is this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied , "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "and that's the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night.

1 Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue!
2 Always keep your words soft and sweet just in case you have to eat them.
3 Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
4 Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.
5 If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
6 If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
7 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8 Never buy a car you can't push.
9 Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.
10 Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14 Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15 Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
16 We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.
17 A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
18 Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you today.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY

19 Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate!

Be the kind of person that when your feet hit the floor each morning the devil says "Oh PHOOEY, she/he's up!"
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Or for number 1, there's the bug/windshield version. Smile   :)

For 2 - remember, the closed mouth gathers no foot!
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Jeb and Jethro live in the hills, about 5 miles outside of town. Jeb asks Jethro to go in to town to pick up some lumber. Jethro walks the 5 miles to town to the local lumberyard.

"Jeb says we're gonna need some 4 x 2's" Jethro tells the yardman.

"Do you mean 2 x 4's?" asks the yardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" says Jethro and walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town."Jeb says we're gonna need 2 x 4's" Jethro tells the yardman.

"Now, how many 2 x 4's will you need?" asks the yardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb." says Jethro, and again walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.

"Jeb says were gonna need about 40 of 'em" Jethro tells the yardman.

"Now, how long will you need them?" asks the yardman.

"Well, I don't rightly know, I better go ask Jeb" says Jethro and yet again walks the 10 miles to the hills and back to town.

Upon returning Jethro says to the yardman, "Jeb says you better give 'em to us for a while . . . we're gonna build a barn."

-------------
(Wonder if Jethro's last name might be Bodine, by any chance? Wink   ;)
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN BEFORE THE 80's !! (1 of 2)

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pickup on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.

After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN BEFORE THE 80's !! (2 of 2)

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although
we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.

Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good. and while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel, room 302."

The Operator replied, "let me check."

Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"

The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. No one tells me da%# thing!."
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Subject: FW: Olympic Bloopers
Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."
5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."
8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?"
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Physics lesson for today:
COLE'S LAW: Thinly sliced cabbage.

The Newscripts department of Chemical and Engineering News has asked for examples of vanity auto license plates with chemical words or symbols. One contributor from Colorado remembers seeing BARIUM on the bumper of a hearse.

Prayer for the day: "Lord, give me patience - and I mean NOW!!!"

A definition of the term, BAD Judgement... B.A.D. = Best Available Data. In layman's terms??? "Sure seemed like a good idea at the time".
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Did you hear the one about "Ole talks with God"? Maybe it's even been posted here, have only read the last couple of 'funnies'. This joke has been around for awhile I'm sure, but it's 'funny.'

Ole was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place, I will go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up strong drink."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Ole looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one!"
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Definition of the term, Expert... Break the word down and it explains itself...
First you have an 'X', which is a 'Has Been'. Then you have a SPERT, which is a Drip Under Pressure'...
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was two tired.
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
Never goes away...
posted Hide Post
I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
 
Posts: 10009 | Location: Colorado | Mbr Since: 10-17-2003Reply With QuoteReport This Post
  Powered by Social Strata       Page: 1 ... 20 21 22 23 24  
 

    Aantares    Aantares BB  Hop To Forum Categories  Your Etc. Forums  Hop To Forums  Social Hour: Chit-chat 'bout this 'n that    Recycled Stuff 2020

© 2003-2020 Aantares Online LLC. All Rights Reserved.